thinking

I, am not cut out for this. I'm tired, I'm burnt out. Kids are just too much. I am basically playing mommy during the day... By night I'm so exhausted I don't want to do anything.... I know this stability is good for me, but I just can't sit here and keep pretending like I'm ok. I'm not. What happens if I get to angry and really do almost hit one of the girls. What happens when I just don't know what to do... I'm not a super hero, I'm still a child myself... I'm trying so hard to stay positive... I want out. But I can't do that to the people who have been trying so hard to help me... No one else had ever taken that sort of chance on me... I have to find that reason to stay...or, that reason to push me to the east coast and start over

When you're controlled your whole life, people.telling you what to do, what to say, when you can do it, what you are all about what about you is right and wrong... And then all of a sudden you're free... But you've grown up with all these mixed messages unsure about which is truly right & wrong. When it comes to others you are the go to girl. You have the best advice send theme in the best direction, have everyone elses best interest at heart (mostly)... Little girl close your eyes and see what you've become... you are your own worst enemy, and until you can see that you are stuck, in this same cycle, over, and over, and over.... No one can save you...

Safe at last...

I AM FINALLY back in my own bedroom
This is where I know nothing can hurt me,
No one can hear those thoughts unsaid
and where I feel the most... at home
It has been too long since I have been here
I left in the middle of October, Its now close to the Middle of April...
7 months.
And let me tell you... so much can happen in those 7 months.
There have been nights where I just needed to curl up into a ball and dream,
But have not been able to because you cant on a couch...
I am hoping on peaceful no dream sleep tonight, I need it...